sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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