she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
