I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
