Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
