i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
