Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
