So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Is it because I queefed?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize