I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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