You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
