At least make sure they are 18
Why
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
