I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
i am craving dick and cupcakes
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
