So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
