I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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