tell your sister to shave her snatch
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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