My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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