A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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