lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
