I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
