i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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