you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
