what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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