you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
