Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
