come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
