Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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