dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
