Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
