No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
