Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize