THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
