I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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