I hate all girls vehemently.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You can't just leave with hair like that
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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