Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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