Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
