Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
