I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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