God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I have already put on my inside pants.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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