I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
