Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
