i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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