I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
