Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well

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(434): View more from Virginia

I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.

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(909): View more from California

According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.

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(408): View more from California

I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.

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(404): View more from Georgia

I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.

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