You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
