I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
