he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
