Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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