She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
