I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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