Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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