I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
