Since when is my name a synonym for head?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
