There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
