we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize