I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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