I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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