meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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