Sacagawea was the original milf.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
