like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
