My boss' voice literally gives me gas
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
