i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
