You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
