Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
