he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
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