Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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