Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize