there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
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