I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
