my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
