I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
