Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
