If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
