I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
