Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
